My Greatest Fear, and the Cliché That Gave Me CPR

I've been dumped.

One of my closest friends called me on Friday to tell me that she didn't have the emotional bandwidth to be my friend anymore. It was a short conversation. I didn't know what to say, so I just thanked her for the call and hung up.

I wrote and rewrote several letters to her, then filed them all away into my "Letters I Will Never Send" folder. Then, I sent her a short email explaining that I respected her decision and would quietly bow out of her life.

But there were paragraphs of unspoken words between each line. I felt like someone had punched a hole in my chest, and I was so sad to see the end of a vibrant friendship. 

Here Comes the Cliché

But it also taught me one of life's most important lessons. You can't please everyone, no matter how hard you try. But this is a cliché, right? We all know this.

Even still, you could power a small country with the amount of energy I have invested in trying to prove otherwise. I honestly don't think I really internalized this truth until now. Sure, there is a whole list of people and kinds of people that probably would not want to spend a sober evening chatting it up with me on a Friday night. But that just means they aren't my intended audience anyway, so who cares?

But THIS - this was the first time that someone I loved stopped me on my way to loving them to say, "Enough. I don't want you anymore."

I absolutely crumbled. So it was there, in a pile of tissues and self-pity, that I really came to fully understand that I really cannot please everyone - even the people that I most love, or those that I believe most love me back.

My Greatest Fear

Two weeks earlier, I had sat on the couch of this very friend and confessed to her that I was haunted by a desire to be as invisible as people need me to be - and that THAT is the gaping hole in my wholeness. It's as though I inherently believe that if I can just be small enough and quiet enough, then I will not upset the fragile balance I believe my relationships to be - as if they hinge on my ability not to be too much of anything.

Of course, I know this is just an old, irrational fear, probably stemming from some childhood misinterpretation of love. And in spite of it, it's something I successfully push through in order to maintain healthy, vibrant and authentic relationships in my life. I love people. Some of them even love me back.

But still… there are times that it sneaks up on me and suddenly I'm pressing myself into the shadows before I remember that I didn't mean to.

So when my friend called me this past Friday to tell me that, actually, I wasn't quite invisible enough for her after all, it kinda shook me up.

The Silver Lining

But in that moment, when it seemed that all of my worst fears had come true - that after years of fighting irrational insecurities and beliefs about myself, the very thing I'd been trying to avoid happened - there was a moment of clarity that took my breath away.

It hadn't felt the way I thought it would.

It hurt, yes - the pain was searing - but I didn't feel responsible for it. Even in my pain and disappointment, I absolutely knew that this wasn't my fault or my problem. It was her issue. It was her own fragile balance that had been upset by my beingness. There wasn't anything I could have done to avoid this. It wasn't my fault.

This insight saved me from the guilt and the smallness that could have caved my chest in otherwise. I did not collapse into myself. This experience did not validate and reinforce my life-long fears of rejection.

It erased them.

Now, I do not feel afraid. Having experienced the thing that I most feared, I no longer fear it. It is not an unknown. I know the texture, the flavor, and the smell of it. It will not sneak up on me again, or pull me quietly into the shadows unawares. I will see it coming a mile away, and instead of succumbing to it, I hope to be able to give it a slight nod of recognition, then keep on being fully me - the purest gift I have to offer anyone.

Including myself.

The Greatest Gift You Can Give an Entrepreneur

As I looked at photos of Richard speaking in front of a crowd tonight, I thought about the road that has lead us here. It's been a bumpy one, full of sacrifice and bruises. But it has brought us to our destination, however vaguely we imagined it. And when we arrived, it felt so much like home we couldn't deny that we had reached something for which we'd been longing.

But we would never have gotten here if I had not given Richard the greatest gift you can give any entrepreneur:

The freedom to change his mind.

I think that's part of the entrepreneurial spirit. It's about breaking away from the well-travelled road and forging a new one. You can't expect someone to stay exactly on a path that doesn't exist yet. There are no quarterly promotions and annual dividends to help you measure your success. There's only "there" and "getting there." This often involves detours and hacking away at branches again, even after you were just getting used to being surrounded by familiar things again.

Sadly, I have spent many years being embarrassed by how untraditional our life has been. I would look for rational explanations when someone would ask, "What's he doing now?" Or, "You're moving again?" This put distance and resentment in my relationship and even distance between me and my ability to live. I was too busy waiting for things to settle into the rhythm I thought my life should take.

Over the last few years, I've come to better understand Richard, and the things that make him tick. I've come to trust his intuition and admire his unconquerable spirit. I've seen him build cities, watch them crumble to ash, then fearlessly start building again. It's hard not to love someone like that. So many times I would have given up; so many times.

Now that I have a better perspective, I wish I could reach across time, give myself a big hug of compassion, and say, "I understand. It's okay; things are going to turn out fine."

There sure have been a shortage of people in my life that did understand. But I can't blame them, really. After all, I didn't understand. And besides, being an entrepreneur really is about swimming upstream, and breaking away from the masses. It's about doing things different - not reinventing the wheel, but using the wheel to take you to brand new places. It's being a pioneer.

All of these things imply that you will be alone.

I used to wait for my life to calm down, and for it to take on a more "normal" cadence. Only now that I've seen the pattern worn deeply into my life do I understand that this is my life. No. It's our life. And when I look at it that way - as an adventure that we are embarking on together, and not something that is happening to me - I can better see it for what it is, and I am excited to be travelling with someone who aims so high.

My sister recently posted the following quote on Facebook:

That sure sums up my life. And so I will always give Richard the space to change his mind, because he is not really changing his mind at all. He is merely calibrating his course.

And I get to go along for the ride of a life time.

Dreams Need Time to Grow, and Space to Stick Around

A koru - symbolic of new life, growth, strength and
peace.  - picture by Gwen Weiler

My life has been a constant buzz of verbs for months. I have taken very little time to sit down, breathe, and be still. Instead, I have been reacting to a mounting list of responsibilities. It has felt like someone slipped a corset over my torso and has been steadily tightening the strings until I cannot breathe.

Last weekend I was complaining to my husband about the stresses in my life – during which I even used the word “miserable” – and he’d finally had enough. He said, “Gwen! Be grateful!”

That really brought me up short. Because I AM grateful. But it wasn’t really until he said it, and I defended myself, that I got the clarity and relief I’d been praying for.

The Back Story

I have been working as the project manager for Richard’s SEO company since last July. The plan at the time was for me to come in and tighten the position, map out all the procedures, create systems and processes for everything, then pass the job on to someone who doesn’t have to go home with the boss every day.

However, our decision to hit the road last September kind of put a wrench in my exit strategy, and I’ve been handling the project management ever since.  

Well, Richard’s company was acquired by a larger one back in November, which opened up a unique opportunity for me. You see, this bigger company also owns a publishing house, and ever since my stint as the Editor in Chief of my high school literary magazine, it’s been my dream to get into that industry. I’ve wanted to be an editor for years, and have even enlisted my writer friends to send me their books to “play” with. (Thanks friends! You know who you are….)

The good news is that I’ve been living my dream since December. I’ve been working as an editor and writer! Cross that big fat goal written in all capital letters off my life’s to-do list!

The bad news is that I’ve still been working as Richard’s project manager.

The worse news is that there’s been a cruise, some other travels, a two-week stint of whooping cough, trying to finish my own book, and a move shoved in between the cracks, too.

I’ve been busy.

I’ve been complaining.

So Here We Are

Until my conversation with Richard, I’d been blaming everything on my decision to add the writing gig to my list of current responsibilities. I’d assumed the only way to find relief was to stop (last one hired, first one fired, right?).

So when Richard told me (or reminded me, I should say) to be grateful, I took a long look at my situation.

I realized that as stressed as I've been about this latest opportunity, the real problem is that I'm trying to do it in my spare time, since I'm already working as Richard's project manager.  But the truth is that if I had to pick one, I would do the writing/editing – forever and ever. It’s very high on a short list of things I’m very passionate about in my life.

I was amazed and relieved to see very clearly that I haven't hated doing this - I've just hated how it’s manifested itself in my life. I hadn’t allowed time or space for my dream, so I had to contort my life to fit around it.

And I almost lost it.

It reminds me of my last semester of college. I was putting in about 60 hours of schoolwork, between a 40-hour a week “practicum,” my evening class, my self-paced class, and all the homework in between. I would come home at night and just cry. When I wasn't doing schoolwork, I was just hyper aware of the fact that I wasn’t doing schoolwork, instead of enjoying the break.

But it didn't change the fact that I LOVED the work I was doing and that it was something I was very passionate about. As miserable as I was every night, there wasn’t a single morning I didn’t wake up bright-eyed and ready to do it all again.

It was just the pace that was breaking me.

And so it is now.

What Now?

When I responded to Richard, it took me 10 minutes to state my case, 24 hours for me to truly recognize its significance, and every day since for me to revel in my new perspective of my life.

I am not an over-worked, over-stressed, over-extended woman. I am a woman that is living my dream, while also holding on to a lot of things that aren’t my dream. I am sad that I almost let go of one of the most important opportunities in my life because my arms were so full of mediocre things I was used to. And I am so very, very grateful that I didn’t.

But in order for me to truly understand that I have arrived, there is still more that needs to be done. It’s kind of like this:

When my mom, in awe, asked my dad how he carves such beautiful sculptures from wood, his response was simple, yet profound. “Easy,” he said. “I just take a block of wood, then carve away everything that isn’t a duck.”

And so it is. It’s time to do some carving.

Big News Sandwiched Between the Small Talk

There has been much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth in my life the last couple weeks. And I should probably add coughing to that list.

I came down with whooping cough just over two weeks ago, and have spent much of my life feeling like I was in a dream during the course of it. Why would that happen? My best guess is that the excessive coughing led to an overall shortage of oxygen, and my brain paid the price. I don’t know.

In that state, I found everything annoying and soul harrowing. I spent useless work hours combing Facebook and rolling my eyes. I wrote blog posts that would have cost me all the people in my life had I published them. A look from Richard put me in tears more than once. (Poor guy. I really am the world’s worst sick person.)

However, as of today, I am feeling much more like myself. I’m so relieved to finally be coming out of that cloud. Now, it’s back to work, and back to real life again.

Speaking of Real Life…

We are days away from having a permanent address again. The lucky city that gets to hold us is none other than Los Angeles, California.

I have mixed feelings about this. For one, I was really looking forward to simplifying our life when we left Dallas at the end of September. Well, moving to LA to be closer to “the scene” doesn’t exactly scream Walden Pond. We will be living downtown, near Beverley Hills, so the traffic is absolutely horrendous. We drove less than a mile to go to dinner last Friday, and we took a premature turn in the process, which more than tripled our travel time. I felt trapped.

However, in my heart, I am hoping that once we actually move and get settled in, I will find the city to be a magical place. It will definitely be a change of pace for this country girl. (And I am country, although I didn’t know it until about 6 months ago when I was looking at a map of the United States, which had stars noting all the big – not major – cities in the country. There were ZERO stars in all of South Carolina. Talk about a paradigm shift – I thought I’d grown up in one!)

Richard has already played the hero (in spite of my Alien impersonation) and mapped out all the nearby places so I will have a running start on settling in. I told him that all I need is a grocery store, a thrift store, and a library within walking distance, and I’ll be fine. He padded the results with a few Red Box and restaurant locations, too, so all of my bases should be thoroughly covered.

And the Best Part Is…

One of the major pluses to settling down again is that my dog gets to come home. She has been at my sister’s house for 5 months, and I have missed her sorely. I keep having these dreams where I go to get her and she doesn’t remember me or doesn’t care. In fact, after one such dream, I woke up and told God that if my dog didn’t love me any more, I didn’t want her anyway.

That was the moment I realized the true value of my relationship with her – I just want her to really, really love me. Although I’m glad that she has bonded with my sister and seems to be doing fine, I also secretly want her to whine, molt, and be an insomniac in my absence.

So, after these recurring dreams where she doesn’t want me anymore, I’ve worried about what to expect when she comes home. But I had three different assurances last week that have me very hopeful. (Besides, my sister just had her spayed – what is there to be compete with??).

One was a commercial of a soldier and her dog after she came home from being deployed, and one was a video of a lion hugging its rescuer after being reunited after a long time apart – both of which made me cry in my oxygen-deprived state. The third was a friend that told me that the dog she lost to her ex after a divorce still went hyper-crazy when she saw her again after years of being apart.

With that settled, now I just have to figure out HOW to get her here. I’m in California and she’s in Oklahoma.

Anyway, that’s one piece of a big puzzle at the moment. It will be interesting to see what 2013 has in store for me and my family. I don’t even bother trying to guess anymore. It’s been such a weird, unexpected ride these last several years. A few months ago, I started a sentence with, “When my life settles down, I’m going to....” And then I abruptly stopped as it hit me: I’d better stop expecting that to happen, and start doing everything now.

This Girl Goes to Sea

All Aboard!

Last week I had the opportunity to accompany my husband on the annual Internet Marketer's Cruise. The day we departed was a mad dash between here, there and everywhere, but it all ended in a climactic rush of excitement as we boarded the boat. I felt amazing as it all settled in. I was leaving the country for the first time in my life (I don’t count Canada). I was going to be sailing on the open seas, and seeing new pieces in God’s gallery. I couldn’t take enough pictures.

We all gathered on the upper deck as we left the port and watched the horizon shrink into the distance. I’ve seen the world shrink as I went up up up in a plane, but never out out out into the ocean. I felt like I was inside of a postcard.

Miami, Florida., shrinking in the distance as the boat heads to international waters. 

The first day was a mix of excitement and boredom. As practicing Mormons, we try to lay low on Sundays. At home, that means avoiding purchases, choosing not to work, and generally resting from a lot of the normal day-to-day hustle of the rest of the week. It’s meant to be a day for spiritual recharging and contemplation. Sometimes it’s a day of watching the clock. Our first day on the boat was more like the latter, as we were aware of the other kinds of excitement going on around us.

Monday, we threw ourselves into the cruise experience. That was our intention, anyway, but it felt more like buckshot. It was all a blur, and we did little together as a couple. Richard was there primarily for work reasons, and I was there to take a cruise.

So, what does a 30-year-old woman do on a giant cruise ship when left to her own devices? Go ahead – come up with an answer. I’ll give you a minute to think of something…. NOPE! You’re wrong. I went to go play Scattergories. (Apparently, I got the answer wrong, too, because there were no other 30-year-old people there.)

The Highlights of the Ship

Mmmm - what they said abou the food is true!

The one thing I’ve heard over and over about the cruise experience is the food. It really was pretty amazing – but that was measured more by its quantity than its quality. I have quite the sweet tooth, and each meal was accompanied by a large spread of gorgeous desserts. But sadly, they did not taste nearly as good as they looked. My first experience with that disappointment was with the caramel cheesecake. I’m not quite sure what it was made of, but I’m sure the ingredients did not include any caramel, cheese, or cake.

But there was food available 24/7 – including room service (which offered a slightly more edible version of cheesecake, by the way). I’m pretty sure I added a few more pounds to my berth, as I had to go to resort to my wardrobe’s Plan B by Friday night; I couldn’t squeeze into Plan A anymore.

I also enjoyed the entertainment options on the ship. There was a constant flow of live music events that had me giddy. Even music I don’t generally subscribe to has a different energy when you see it live; I love it.  There was also a different headlining show each night – I laughed, I blushed, and I left happy.

This. Is. My. Husband.

Basically, there was ALWAYS something to do somewhere. They gave us a schedule for the next day’s events each night. I’d go through and circle all the things that interested me, then leave it out on the dresser so Richard would know where I was through the day.

There were a lot of amenities I didn’t take advantage of, like the hot tubs, pools, and some of the group activities, simply because they were just too crowded to enjoy. But for the most part, all of the time on the ship kind of blurs together. You eat, you sleep, you find entertainment, you eat, you sleep, etc. Richard was doing a lot of networking, so there was always that option, too. I went a few times, and met some neat people, but for the most part I did my own thing. Luckily, however, I actually enjoy alone time and I spent a lot of that time working on my novel.

When we were together, we made some new friends, and spent time with old ones. It was nice to see some familiar faces. One thing is certain - the internet marketing community is a small world. There were 470 of us on the ship (among over 3,000 travelers), and it was amazing how many faces I recognized from past events all over the country.

The Birthday Boy

Richard turned 34 on the 17th!

I thoroughly enjoyed the time I did get with Richard, and I have to admit that it was a generous share of his time, considering what he was there for. We celebrated his birthday on the 17^th. I had ordered a cake the day before, and it was scheduled to be delivered that morning, without him knowing. I set my alarm so that I could open the door before the delivery person knocked. I had to open the door over and over again (he was late) – but it finally paid off.  I set up the cake, then got back into bed.

When Richard got up an hour later, he was very confused. There was the cake. There was the sleeping wife. How in the world??? I told him later that the room assistants were actually ninjas and had rappelled down from the ceiling to deliver the goods.

Cozumel, Mexico

Mayan ruins in Cozumel, Mexico

Cozumel, Mexico, was the first port we went to, and the only place that we did an official excursion. We went to visit some minor ruins on the island (not the big famous ones). They were pretty unremarkable, although we missed almost half of the tour because we were following a stranger. I thought the tour guide dismissed us to go explore on our own. So we meandered around, then followed what we thought was part of our group down a random path in the woods. We walked…and walked…and walked.

It was during that time that I could really feel the spiritual, feminine energy of the place. Apparently it was some kind of temple or something that women would come to for female issues. They would come if struggling with fertility, or if they were pregnant, etc. As we wandered down that obscure path, I could almost imagine other women walking there from another time, worrying over the same kinds of things people worry over today – things that I worry about.

But Richard pulled me from my reverie as he realized that we had gone too far and walked too long for this to be part of the approved tour. We backtracked and were reunited with our real group just as they were rounding the last bit of the ruins. Our guide was kind enough to detail all of the sites we missed. From the sound of things,  we missed the most (only?) exciting parts of the tour.

Lizard at the ruins <photo by Richard>

It’s true. The ruins weren’t that impressive. They were, after all, ruins. They didn’t even have models or drawings to detail what they might have looked like back in their day. The written history included a lot of words like, "probably," "most likely," and "almost surely." Although I appreciated the verbal history our tour guide disclosed, I couldn’t help but notice that the tour guide one group over was giving a very different story. Hmmm…

As we toured the ruins, we were all like, “Meh.” But once we saw the ginormous lizards dotting the landscape, we were all like “Wo!!!!”  And click click click went the cameras.

After the ruins, we went to a little restaurant on the coastline. There was a Mariachi band, the water was blue, and the food was great. But it was all a lie! We ate fajitas, and according to a Mexican native, they don’t even eat fajitas in Mexico. I bet they don’t pay $3 for a can of Sprite, either.

Enjoying lunch and a Mariachi band in Cozumel, Mexico.

Ocho Rios, Jamaica

View of Jamaica from the top of a mountain.

Cozumel was nice, but all in all, I felt like we couldn't get past that commercial barrier. I was disappointed. I hadn't seen the people or the culture - just the parts they gift-wrapped for tourists. I jokingly told Richard that I'd hoped to see the street kids and the dirty dogs.

Well, I totally ate my words two days later when we went into Jamaica.

When we got off the ship, we found someone to take us around by ourselves, instead of doing an excursion with a group. I was thrilled as we went right into the heart of things, driving through “a native neighborhood,” as the driver put it. But that was quickly replaced with a whole spectrum of other emotions as we drove.

The poverty was heartbreaking. Ten minutes into our visit, I just felt dirty and ashamed. I'd gotten into the real country, but I'd come in the wrong door.

Someone on stilts, hoping we'd stop and take a picture with him.

We drove up to the top of a mountain, where our driver intended to give us a good view. We drove past mobs of vendors that were anxious to sell their wares, or to have you take a picture with them in their wild costumes. We went through it in such a rush, we barely had time to say yes or no.

At the top of the mountain, there was a little outdoor restaurant and free wi-fi. Richard caught up on some emails while I sat and looked out over the country.

On one side, I could see the wide expanse of ocean in the distance, and the green jungle in between. On the other, I could see down the road we’d just travelled, and the hovels along the way. Outside the houses, I saw what I had first seen as vendors, vying for the attention of the tourists. But from my new point of view, I realized that these were families – very poor families – trying to make a living.

On the way back down the mountain, we saw them with new eyes. And yet still, we did not open our hands as generously as we could have. Again, it was all happening so fast. They came to us, asking us to buy this or that, and the driver yelled at them, “They don’t want that! They don’t want that!” And we sat there and let him take the lead. I watched the face of one man, a fire-eater, go from being open and friendly as he offered to let us take our picture with him, to melting into a look of despair as we passed by.

Immediately, I wanted to turn around – to go back and just give all my money away. But I didn’t. I swallowed that feeling over and over again, and looked forward instead. Sadly, Richard told me later that he’d had the same experience, but it had been a young boy on his side of the car, asking him to buy a bracelet. Richard had watched his face as we drove by, and he, too, expressed the same feelings that it would haunt him forever.

“I wanted to go back,” he said. We were so ashamed that we hadn’t.

After that, I was anxious to leave and get back to the ship. We cut our afternoon short, and I went straight to my room and cried for a good half hour. Richard and I talked about our experience in Jamaica for a long time, and I think there will always be things to say about that.

The Cayman Islands

When we went to the third and final port, I stayed away for the most part. I was feeling pretty out of place, after our tour of Jamaica. We just went to the end of the pier to see the water.

View of our ship, Cayman Islands <photo by Richard>

The ocean was clear, just as it had been at the other two ports. You could see straight to the bottom of the sea. Richard got in and swam, and has decided he prefers to not be able to see the bottom of what he’s swimming in; he felt a little paranoid about what he might see. But I’m the opposite; my imagination goes wild when I think about all the critters that could be sneaking up on me. My brain knows no bounds – it doesn’t matter if it’s a pond, river, ocean, or murky bath water. I easily conjure fears of snakes, sharks, jellyfish, piranhas – you name it.

The Lingering Taste of the Trip

I would rate the overall experience as a solid B-, which is an average of the boat’s B+, and the ports’ C- rating.

The boat was fun, but I realized about half way through that it simply wasn’t the way we like to do vacations. My ideal is a private cabin up in the mountains somewhere. Heck, even a tent with a nice fire and good book would be at least an A-. I just prefer to have a more quiet, private holiday.

As for the different ports, it was a watered down sample of each country at best. In order for me to really be satisfied, I think I would have to go live in a different country for a year. That way I could get fully steeped in the culture, the people, and the history. And I won’t be there as a spectator, but a fellow human being.

In all fairness, though, I think I would have had a totally different experience at the ports if I’d come with a different expectation. If I’d been primarily looking forward to the sites, and not the native flavors, then I think I would have been able to scratch that itch and found it a successful endeavor. For instance, if I’d gone to see the REAL Mayan ruins in Cozumel, and taken another route through Jamaica so I could have seen the falls, etc., then this would have been a different story altogether.

But that’s a theory that will just have to be tested some other time. Who knows; maybe that time will be next year, at the next annual Internet Marketers Cruise.

BONUS REEL!

This was taken on Richard's birthday. We spent the evening with friends as he shared his yummy cake.

Cozumel, Mexico <photo by Richard>

Look at that water...

We were welcomed back to our cabin by these towel animals every night. 

Cozumel, Mexico (and me getting some sun in the background - haha!)

They Might Be Giants

My brain is buzzing with the weight of the little nuggets of truth that I’ve picked up over the last few days I’ve spent in L.A. at the Icon Builder Boot Camp, hosted by David Fagan. I could write a blog post – or a book! – on any single one of these principles.

I wish I could somehow download my experiences these last few days into your brain. I promise you’d be a better person for it. The two full days that I attended felt like an eternity. In some ways, maybe it was; because time stood still as I learned these timeless principles.

And I almost missed out on this – for the same reason I miss out on everything else in my life. Even though I’d made a resolve to attend events from now on, as it started to get closer and closer, I was more and more hesitant to go because of something as insignificant as my to-do list. Yes, those things are important, but they are far from the most important. It’s hard to see that, though, because that’s what I’m staring at the hardest.

In the end, I decided that I probably wouldn’t regret going, but I might regret NOT going. (A test I apply to many decisions in my life.) Even though Monday is going to be hectic and I will be behind on a few things, I am so grateful that I took this opportunity to work ON my life, instead of just IN my life. That, my friend, is the trick to a fulfilling existence.

       Intermission: My favorite quote of the weekend was,  

          “Washington is just Hollywood for ugly people.” 

You may be surprised to hear me talk about this experience in respect to my life, as opposed to my business (which I don’t have). This was, after all, a gathering of entrepreneurs and business owners. But that’s the thing I love so much about business principles – they are LIFE principles.

That’s why, I think, there is so much crossover in the messages that coaches and gurus like Anthony Robbins and Steven Covey put out there. There’s really no line that separates one truth from another. The formula for success in business is the same formula for success in life, and vice versa.

I learned a lot about myself this weekend. It was an exhausting, draining experience as I gripped the sides of my brain with both hands and held it open as wide as possible – for 48 straight hours. *sigh* I’m tired.

What I really love about these events is that I am among people who can hear their yearnings, and have the courage to take the necessary action to satisfy them. It’s so refreshing to see so many fellow humans daring to swim upstream.

The conversations had over dinner are enough to fill you. These are real conversations, which I simply don’t get enough of in my life. “What are your greatest passions? How do you build a bridge from here to there? What are your greatest failures, and what have you learned from them?”

Everyone is being served up on a platter of honesty, but we are so captured in that dreamy spell of being unanimously open that no one feels too vulnerable – no alcohol included. This, I believe, speaks to the mastery of those hosting the event as much as it does to the integrity and passion of the people that came.

So, I want to pass on some of the nuggets I picked up over the last few days. Please be advised, though, that they will mean more and say more if received in a quiet place, however literally or figuratively you can make that happen.

• In order to bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be, create a 10-year plan for your life, a 5-year plan, 2-year plan, 1-year plan, 1-month, 1-week, 1-day. This is a process of breaking the 10-year plan down to what you’re going to do today to move in that direction. Then, spend time with yourself twice a day so you can be accountable to yourself and make adjustments accordingly.  – As taught by Stevie Sullivan, successful entrepreneur
•  “Dreaming is good; doing is better.” – David Fagan, the Icon Builder
•  “Do not be a permission seeker; be a permission granter.” – Steven Memel, celebrity performance coach
• “The problem with the stories we tell ourselves are that we believe them.” – Steven Memel
•  We are solely responsible for our physical, spiritual and mental well-being. – Lori Elgin, successful life coach
• When you’re talking to yourself, ask, “Is this truth or trash?” – Lori Elgin
• There are people only you can touch and things only you can do. – Lori Elgin
• Your core beliefs can be re-decided. – Mel Cutler, creator of the Success Academy, and the Entrepreneur Revolution
• Three things that keep us from success (from a list of seven) are: (1) not seeing ourselves on the journey; (2) Failing to take decisive action; it’s time to move forward…fast. (3) The people we take advice from. – Mel Cutler

Pillow Fight! This was not only a great piece of entertainment, but an exercise to demonstrate what some of our automatic inclinations and inhibitions are. It was lead by Steven Memel, known to be a celebrity performance coach.

PR guru Michael Levine

Michael Levine, a PR master who has headed PR campaigns for stars like Michael Jackson, Charlton Heston, and Sandra Bullock, just to name a very few. He shared the following:

•        Three qualities of super successful people – and they must have all three:
•   Obsession; they possess a quality that is not just ambition. A burning, maniacal rage, like your life depended on it. (Think of an addict.)
•   Optimism; it’s paradoxical, in that it is born after a militant need to face the brutal facts. Two facts: the game is not easy; the game is not fair; but you can win. “Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.” – Gen. Collin Powell.
•   Obligation; very, very responsible – principally to themselves; they keep their word. On the rare occasion that they miss the mark, they blame themselves.
•      Human beings solve 0% of the problems they don’t think they have.
•     Homework assignment (to change your life radically, permanently, and instantly): Fire your flaky friends; because nothing will interfere with your capacity to reach your greatest potential like they will.
•   You’re capable of doing a lot of stuff good; but you can’t do anything great unless it’s something you love and something you want to be remembered for.

You’re welcome :)