They Might Be Giants

My brain is buzzing with the weight of the little nuggets of truth that I’ve picked up over the last few days I’ve spent in L.A. at the Icon Builder Boot Camp, hosted by David Fagan. I could write a blog post – or a book! – on any single one of these principles.

I wish I could somehow download my experiences these last few days into your brain. I promise you’d be a better person for it. The two full days that I attended felt like an eternity. In some ways, maybe it was; because time stood still as I learned these timeless principles.

And I almost missed out on this – for the same reason I miss out on everything else in my life. Even though I’d made a resolve to attend events from now on, as it started to get closer and closer, I was more and more hesitant to go because of something as insignificant as my to-do list. Yes, those things are important, but they are far from the most important. It’s hard to see that, though, because that’s what I’m staring at the hardest.

In the end, I decided that I probably wouldn’t regret going, but I might regret NOT going. (A test I apply to many decisions in my life.) Even though Monday is going to be hectic and I will be behind on a few things, I am so grateful that I took this opportunity to work ON my life, instead of just IN my life. That, my friend, is the trick to a fulfilling existence.

       Intermission: My favorite quote of the weekend was,  

          “Washington is just Hollywood for ugly people.” 

You may be surprised to hear me talk about this experience in respect to my life, as opposed to my business (which I don’t have). This was, after all, a gathering of entrepreneurs and business owners. But that’s the thing I love so much about business principles – they are LIFE principles.

That’s why, I think, there is so much crossover in the messages that coaches and gurus like Anthony Robbins and Steven Covey put out there. There’s really no line that separates one truth from another. The formula for success in business is the same formula for success in life, and vice versa.

I learned a lot about myself this weekend. It was an exhausting, draining experience as I gripped the sides of my brain with both hands and held it open as wide as possible – for 48 straight hours. *sigh* I’m tired.

What I really love about these events is that I am among people who can hear their yearnings, and have the courage to take the necessary action to satisfy them. It’s so refreshing to see so many fellow humans daring to swim upstream.

The conversations had over dinner are enough to fill you. These are real conversations, which I simply don’t get enough of in my life. “What are your greatest passions? How do you build a bridge from here to there? What are your greatest failures, and what have you learned from them?”

Everyone is being served up on a platter of honesty, but we are so captured in that dreamy spell of being unanimously open that no one feels too vulnerable – no alcohol included. This, I believe, speaks to the mastery of those hosting the event as much as it does to the integrity and passion of the people that came.

So, I want to pass on some of the nuggets I picked up over the last few days. Please be advised, though, that they will mean more and say more if received in a quiet place, however literally or figuratively you can make that happen.

• In order to bridge the gap between where you are and where you want to be, create a 10-year plan for your life, a 5-year plan, 2-year plan, 1-year plan, 1-month, 1-week, 1-day. This is a process of breaking the 10-year plan down to what you’re going to do today to move in that direction. Then, spend time with yourself twice a day so you can be accountable to yourself and make adjustments accordingly.  – As taught by Stevie Sullivan, successful entrepreneur
•  “Dreaming is good; doing is better.” – David Fagan, the Icon Builder
•  “Do not be a permission seeker; be a permission granter.” – Steven Memel, celebrity performance coach
• “The problem with the stories we tell ourselves are that we believe them.” – Steven Memel
•  We are solely responsible for our physical, spiritual and mental well-being. – Lori Elgin, successful life coach
• When you’re talking to yourself, ask, “Is this truth or trash?” – Lori Elgin
• There are people only you can touch and things only you can do. – Lori Elgin
• Your core beliefs can be re-decided. – Mel Cutler, creator of the Success Academy, and the Entrepreneur Revolution
• Three things that keep us from success (from a list of seven) are: (1) not seeing ourselves on the journey; (2) Failing to take decisive action; it’s time to move forward…fast. (3) The people we take advice from. – Mel Cutler

Pillow Fight! This was not only a great piece of entertainment, but an exercise to demonstrate what some of our automatic inclinations and inhibitions are. It was lead by Steven Memel, known to be a celebrity performance coach.

PR guru Michael Levine

Michael Levine, a PR master who has headed PR campaigns for stars like Michael Jackson, Charlton Heston, and Sandra Bullock, just to name a very few. He shared the following:

•        Three qualities of super successful people – and they must have all three:
•   Obsession; they possess a quality that is not just ambition. A burning, maniacal rage, like your life depended on it. (Think of an addict.)
•   Optimism; it’s paradoxical, in that it is born after a militant need to face the brutal facts. Two facts: the game is not easy; the game is not fair; but you can win. “Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.” – Gen. Collin Powell.
•   Obligation; very, very responsible – principally to themselves; they keep their word. On the rare occasion that they miss the mark, they blame themselves.
•      Human beings solve 0% of the problems they don’t think they have.
•     Homework assignment (to change your life radically, permanently, and instantly): Fire your flaky friends; because nothing will interfere with your capacity to reach your greatest potential like they will.
•   You’re capable of doing a lot of stuff good; but you can’t do anything great unless it’s something you love and something you want to be remembered for.

You’re welcome :)

Coming Home

As we have shed our address, and 90% of all our worldly possessions, I have come to understand that “home” is a very relative term.

Historically, when I've spent time on the road (which usually means visiting family), I've always enjoyed the moment that I come back - to a space that is entirely mine. It's a place where I get to make the rules, and I can privately unwind without worrying about the mess I'm leaving behind, or if I'm upsetting anyone else's schedule.

I love flopping across my bed and smelling my pillow, stepping into my shower and using all the hot water, and then - after - maybe even walking around n[censored]d for a while. I can browse the fridge without having to worry that I'm about to destroy someone else's lunch for tomorrow, leave my clean clothes in a basket for an extra day or two, and I don't have to worry about what someone else thinks of my sleep schedule.

It's a space where I live in the most active sense of the word, but it's also a place that has the evidence of my life – past, present, and future. That's where I spilled the mineral spirits and ruined the finish on the table; that's MY favorite chair where I like to sit and hold Annabelle; that is MY pile of books I'm planning on getting around to reading...and those are the orange peels that Richard left in the bathroom trashcan, even though I've asked him a million times to only throw food away in the kitchen.

The point is that it's a place where I can stretch out as literally or figuratively as I desire.

We all need a place like that.

But Richard and I decided to forgo that place two months ago when we hit the road indefinitely, for his Viral Storm tour. (For a brief recap, click here.)

The moment it hit me was about 4 weeks ago. Richard and I were headed back to our hotel after having run a couple errands, and he wanted to stop in at Barnes & Noble to work for a while. But I didn't want to. I wanted to... Well, the first thought that came to my mind was “go home.” But then I had to stop and reassess what I really wanted.

If I didn't stay with Richard, then I could go back to The Plaza alone and read, write, or think. If I decided to stay with him, then I could – wouldn't you know it – read, write, or think. There wasn't laundry to catch up on, a lesson to prepare, or a dog to let outside. There was nothing to go to.

That was the moment that I realized that I am my home – and that it is defined by the life that I've chosen to carry around with me. I'd shed all the peripherals; everything that was an outward manifestation of who I was. There weren't old friendships to fall into, or an image to maintain, or bosses to please. They were gone.

It was just me with a journal in my hand. And what would that notebook say? Because almost everything I had in the world was distilled down to the voice within those pages.

And you know how it's nice to think of new beginnings? A new year means new diet goals; returning to school after the summer means possibilities for new friends; moving to a new home means you'll never have a dirty house again.

But is it not true that we often set the same diet goals every year, fall into the same relationships, and keep accumulating clutter in the same places? The new beginning wears off, and then we are left with the same resources we had when we started – ourselves.

That's where our desires, yearnings, successes and failings originate.

Lately, I've had the thrill of these new beginnings almost on a daily basis. The patterns that manifest themselves over a life time are now condensed into days and weeks. I'm setting goals and failing regularly. It's like all of my bad habits are just floating to the top of the pot and that's all that I can see.

I am in very close-quarters with my life these days. It's caused me to reflect deeply, and often, on the qualify of its fibers. I often joke that I start out with big plans for change, but then suddenly it's Wednesday and it's time to do laundry.

Well, now there are no excuses. It's just me, and a whole lot of tomorrows stretching out ahead of me. There aren't any walls to keep me distracted from all the things I'd like to change “when I get around to it.”

It's been exhausting, and it's been invigorating. I feel encompassed about by my shortcomings, yet thrilled by the unlimited possibilities in each day.

I've shed a lot of things these last several weeks, which has opened my eyes to real things it's time to let go of. Letting go of my address has opened up the door to truly coming home – to myself.

And I'm certainly not suffering from a shortage of places to be. One of the things that has become most apparent during this time of reflection is that my home is so much closer to me than I ever realized, and yet it is also so much bigger than I ever imagined.

It is me, and yet it is everywhere.

I want to stretch out on earth. I want this world to hold the evidence of my life. That is MY sunset; that's where I held Richard's hand and discovered a new layer of love; and that is MY horizon – the sum of MY possibilities stretching out in every direction.

How would I be able to breathe anywhere else?

These days, when someone asks me where I'm from, it's an awkward moment for me. Dallas? South Carolina? California?

Perhaps this would be the most accurate answer – for all of us:

I. Am. Here.

I Have a Secret, But This Isn't It

There has been so much going on these last couple weeks, I almost don’t know where to begin. There have been some major developments in our life, some of which I am not ready to disclose entirely (no, I’m not pregnant), so I’m only going to give you samples of our latest happenings.

For one, I didn’t go with Richard when he went to Ventura Beach, California, a couple weeks ago. Instead, he took a friend and I stayed behind and spent some quality time with my cousin and her family. I spent my time laughing, talking, and leaving sweet little love notes for everyone.

 

While there, I went on long walks by myself, and even longer walks with my cousin and her kids (and I mean “longer” in its most exaggerated sense. We carried children and bicycles, and pushed strollers and bodies until we finally got home).

I loved these walks because they took us by a little farmyard teaming with life. They had goats, donkeys, pigs, geese and a turtle – all in the same pen!

We celebrated Halloween while I was there. I didn’t dress up, but my cousin and her family did. They were adorable. She crocheted that little hat for her daughter; my favorite part is those cute antennae. Also, that’s real mechanic’s grease on my cousin’s husband. He said, “It’s so hard to stay clean while you’re working on cars, but I seriously had to scrape around to find this stuff for my costume. How ironic!”

But while my life was taking on a steady, comforting monotony, Richard was behind the scenes conducting an orchestra of change.

I will only say that it looks like we are going to be hanging up our travelling shoes for a while, and spending some time in southern California.

I have a lot to say about that, but for now, let me just say that there are worse places to end up than Paradise. I mean, look at these pictures!! Mountains AND the beach; oranges growing in my front yard; 70 degree weather in November (and apparently most of the rest of the year, too).

Mountains + Beach = Happy Weilers

Richard striking his usual "king of the world" pose.

Like I said - Happy Weilers!

Awww...

We’ll still be doing a ton of travelling, but it will have more of the business-suit feel instead of the gypsy flare. (In fact, we’re on the road this week already. I’m hanging out at my sister’s in Oklahoma while Richard is at an event in Nashville).

I’ve really had to take some time to seriously orient myself to this change of plans, which hasn’t been easy, considering the whole road-warrior thing was still so fresh. But I’m happy about this new direction, and I’m sure it will prove to be a great blessing for both Richard AND me (but more on that another time).

For now, Annabelle, my little pup, will still be staying with my sister as we work out the details on our permanent arrangements. (She's been there since we hit the road last month.) I've missed her sorely, but I’m enjoying soaking in her presence as I spend some time at my sister’s in Oklahoma this week.

I have missed my dog much more than I thought I would. There are times that she crosses my mind in an unexpected moment, and all I can do is slump into a chair and wait for the ache to pass. I am so glad to be spending time with her right now. As much as I felt the weight of her absence, being with her again is as natural as breathing. It feels like I never left…

I’m embarrassed to even admit how much she means to me. After all, she’s just a dog, right?

Which one of us looks happier? 

But really, she’s been more than a dog to me. She’s some grossly distorted version of a child-dog hybrid. (Note: This would be a good time to laugh. If it isn't funny, then the alternative is that I'm just really disturbed O_o.) 

She keeps my house from being too quiet and feeling too empty. Honestly, at my sister's, she’s probably being treated like a dog for the first in her life.

And I’m so relieved to find that she hasn't transferred her loyalties and affections entirely to my sister (who is taking GREAT care of her, by the way). As much as I've hoped for them to bond this last month, I was dreading, and even had a nightmare about, the possibility that they would have bonded so thoroughly that I would be hogwash to Annabelle.

But as soon as I saw her, she alleviated my worries. She wouldn't stop licking me for the whole 40-minute ride back to my sister's, and when I woke up the next morning, she just laid there and stared at me. Very sweet.

Although, I have to say here that the night before that beautiful awakening, it seemed my worst fears had come true. When I went to go to bed, I found that Annabelle was already locked away in my sister’s bedroom! To make matters worse, she’d gone in there on her OWN.

I was so upset. I paced outside my sister’s door, wondering how much of a creeper I'd seem if her husband woke up to find me snooping around their bedroom on my hands and knees. In the end, I decided a long-term relationship with my sister was more important, so I went to bed, sulking.

And sucking on sour grapes.

My sister's dog laying claim to my bed...

In fact, I decided, “Fine. She takes my dog, I take hers!” So I proceeded to try and cuddle with my sister’s 55 lb. dog for the night. Well, first of all, she was more interested in having me cuddle her butt. Second of all, she tired of my embrace very quickly; it only took her about 20 seconds to find somewhere else to sleep.

Hmph.

To make matters worse, the dog was still in my room the next morning when she heard the dog-knappers rise. She promptly jumped on my throat and thrashed me with her forearms until I let her out.

(Although none of this keeps her from claiming my bed during the day.)

But the happy ending came when my sister let Annabelle into my room early that morning. She promptly snuggled into me, and all of my grievances were forgotten...almost.

Coming up next: reflections on my time on the road.

The Learning Curve

These last 14 days have been riddled with both extreme highs, and drastic lows. We are regularly going from sleeping in lush hotels, to roughing it in the woods. As you can see from my last post, the hunt for the perfect camping spot did not start out well.

Day 2 of the search was much better. We were immediately able to get in touch with the Ranger’s office, and he pointed us in the direction of a place we could go camping about an hour away. It was a bit of a drive, but after our run-around the day before, we weren’t about to bother with a possible alternative.

And I’m so glad we didn’t. As we drove through the mountains, it was pretty – but as we crested a hill and saw a gorgeous blue lake laid out before us at the base of one of those mountains, I was speechless. We picked a private spot along the shore, and set up camp. That night was so amazing. The stars were breath taking; the air was cool; the water was serene; the sunset made me cry.

As we went to bed and snuggled under the blankets, Richard asked, “If you could be doing anything in the world right now, what would it be?”

“This.”

The next morning we spent a long time petering around the mountain trying to get a cell signal so we could use our wi-fi for work. At one point, we were pulled off on the side of some dusty road and Richard’s phone managed to capture a stray cellular beam and his phone actually rang.

He got out of the car to take the call, and by the time he came back 30 minutes later, he had some good news: he’d been invited to speak at the ICON Builder Boot Camp, hosted by David Fagan, the former CEO of Guerilla Marketing.

This was a BIG deal.

So, naturally we went into town to celebrate at Earl’s Greasy Eats, where I enjoyed the best buffalo chicken sandwich I’ve ever had. And apparently they aren’t fattening at all. Just look at my figure! (You should see the “before” photo!)

And Then There Were Monsters

That night, on our way back up the mountain, I saw another wolf. I brushed it off and put my Game Face on. But when we got to the campsite and saw black widows under our picnic bench, I froze. Literally. I just stood there and looked around at the darkness, imagining all the other horrors lurking in the shadows. A minute later I saw a tic crawling close by, and I felt surrounded! What had seemed like heaven the night before now felt like…somewhere else.

But we were all the way up a mountain – an hour away from a hotel, and 30 minutes away from people. We were kind of committed to camping at that point. So, I simply focused on getting to bed – looking forward to waking up in the daylight and moving on.

But as we turned off our flash light after midnight, trying to ignore the creepy sounds coming from the wind, we found ourselves flush against the cold ground. Our air mattress was dead.

Too exhausted to drive to a hotel, we just set up camp in our car for the night, which was just dandy for me, since I don’t know a spider, wolf, tick, or unknown creature in the world that can cut through glass. We pulled our suitcases out of the backseat and left them outside – no big deal, since no one was around, and we were in the desert, so there’s really no chance of rain, either.

Well, well, well. Guess who misread the Universe? We woke up to RAIN the next morning. So, we quickly broke camp and fled into town – rained out by God, and chased out by spiders.

Clean At Last

This was my view as I sat to write in my journal at The Plaza. 

We’d intended to check into a hotel that night anyway, since Richard would be speaking the next day. We got onto Hot Wire and found a great Super Secret Deal (a feature which we have quickly come to love). We checked into The Scottsdale Plaza for just a bit more than it would have cost to stay at a Motel 6.

As soon as we checked in, I jumped in the shower and took my time cleaning up. I did my hair and makeup, put on a nice skirt and fancy blouse, and went to…Walmart.

It sure felt nice to look and feel like a human woman, though.

Richard spent the next two days at his speaking event, networking and meeting some awesome people. I stayed in and caught up on all of my work. But after seeing how much Richard got out of the event as a person, I think I’m going to revise my initial plan of sitting out on the day-events (usually I just meet up with him for the networking dinners afterwards). But people are often paying between $500 - $3000 to attend these things, and I automatically get a free seat. So from now on, I’m taking it!

If nothing else, I wouldn’t mind getting to see Richard on stage. Maybe I’ll even bring a banner with his name on it and throw roses at him. Then, after it’s over, I will parade around with him on my shoulders. I will be so cool.

Bonus: My Cousins!

From Left: Haley (3), Alissa (20 and single!!), Esther (the mommy)
Abigail (14 mos), Me

That Sunday brought some extra special blessings. I have a cousin close by, living just outside of Mesa. Her younger sister (also my cousin) is currently staying with her family, too, so I totally got a two-for-one deal. We went over for dinner, and ended up staying until well past midnight – despite their usual bedtime of about 9 p.m.

It. Was. So. Refreshing. We had a great visit, and thoroughly enjoyed getting to know my cousin and her family (it’s been a loooong time since we’d seen each other; we were both young teenagers). THAT was a great high. You just can’t beat good conversation.

We stayed with them a couple nights later that week and I had the opportunity to cook a meal that consisted of more than two ingredients (one of which is usually water).

We left my cousin’s house Friday in search of a campground closer to town. I was just about to the throw in the towel after driving a couple hours, when we hit the mother load: not only did we find the perfect camping spot on a gurgling riverbank, but it’s only 5 miles from town, 20 minutes from my cousin’s house, and 20 minutes from Richard’s networking hub in Scottsdale.

I’m in love! There’s nothing like sleeping indoors to make you crave the mountain air, and there’s nothing like sleeping outdoors to make you crave the AC. So, we get the best of both worlds J

Next stop: Ventura Beach, California.

We camped along a gurgling river 5 miles outside of Mesa. 

How Wide The Divide

The day after my last post, we checked out of our hotel and went in search of a camp ground. The following events were a perfect example of some of the huge differences between me and Richard (which have become more apparent than ever over the last 14 days).

Richard had it in his mind that he wanted to find a rural campsite off in the middle of nowhere (NOTE: he’d done extensive research into the pros and cons of this, and we were both on board for it – although I at least wanted to have the human stamp of a fire ring or something). We started the processes by making some calls, only to realize that all the government offices were closed due to a holiday. No worries; we’ll just drive off into the Tonto National Forest and find a site. Easy, right? Well, not when the GPS takes you the ranger’s office, which we’ve already established was useless to us this particular Monday.

So, we pulled into a gas station to get an atlas and pout for a minute. I took that opportunity to look up a real campsite (a touch of nature mingled with civilization). After all, we’d been on this goose chase for almost two hours by then, and I just wanted somewhere to settle down and work for the rest of the day. It was definitely time for Plan B.

Too bad Richard doesn’t seem to believe in Plan Bs, and off we went in our continued search of the “ideal.” So, we spent the next SIX HOURS driving out a tank of gas as we ping-ponged our way across the greater Phoenix area.

As we went into the Tonto National Forest (we’d finally found a camping area with a name), it was after dark, and I thought I was going to have a panic attack. I saw wolves! And then I started thinking about everything else I couldn’t see; scorpions, spiders, rattlesnakes. The desert is no joke.

In the end, we were met with yet another dead end. Finally, finally, we decided to call it a (wasted) day and we checked into a hotel.

Now, the point I meant to illustrate with this long narrative is the difference between me and my husband. When it’s time for action, I first ask myself, “Can this be done?” If yes, then I think of what it will take and ask, “Do I want to do it?” If yes, I start the process, always leaving the exit door open with this question, “Do I still want to do it?”  I am all about cutting my losses and going to plan B when the situation calls for it.

Richard, on the other hand, just stops at “Can this be done?” If yes, then he straps on his cape and goes for it – no matter how many brick walls he has to smash through.

And so this adventure begins, already proving that this will be as much of a maze into the dynamics of our relationship as it is anything else.  

Here We Go...

Richard, working hard on the business plan. 

Tonight, my husband and I are sitting in a hotel room in Scottsdale, AZ, putting the final touches on his business plan before he meets with big-time investors next week. Everything we own has been sold, donated, or put into storage.


We have opted to fore-go an address and stay on the road for the next 6-12 months, promoting both his current and newest business, eVision Marketing and Viral Storm, respectively. Richard's goal is to speak and network in every major city (at least once) before we end the tour. This is more than a natural outcropping of the Internet marketing career he's been carefully stoking for the last four years; it's a huge journey for our family as we step into the dark, and feel our way through unfamiliar territory.

Our life will consist of staying in hotels, waking up at campgrounds, trying to find creative ways to get our mail, and struggling to condense all of our worldly goods into our four-door car. In the most romantic sense, we are touring the country as we brand my husband's new venture. In the most accurate, we are gypsies.


Just Another Door to Open

My husband is an entrepreneur first. Whatever business venture he is involved in, his brain is still putting its feelers out for other new and innovative ways he can build something from nothing. It's been quite a journey, but with it just being the two of us, we've been at liberty to take risks we otherwise would not have been able to.

In the last decade we've spent taking chances, I've learned a lot of things. Perhaps the greatest lesson I've learned is that the worst thing that can happen is for us to lose everything, and that losing everything isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Having been there, I understand that there are some things we learn only by emerging from the ash of our mistakes and finding the courage to rebuild again.

So here we are, with the ever-present risk of Life throwing us curve balls, and deciding to play the game anyway.

This blog will be your window into our lives as we travel from city to city, and then beyond. Thanks for stopping in, and you are welcome to come back often :)